In our pursuit of happiness, we often find ourselves chasing an elusive concept that seems to slip through our fingers just as we think we've grasped it. The truth is, our understanding of happiness might be the very thing holding us back from experiencing true, lasting joy. It's time to take a closer look at how we define happiness and why a little tweaking might be in order.
The Problem with Traditional Happiness
For many of us, happiness has long been associated with positive emotions, material success, and external validation. We've been conditioned to believe that if we achieve certain milestones or acquire specific possessions, we'll finally reach that state of perpetual bliss. However, this approach often leads to disappointment and a constant feeling of "not quite there yet."
Dr. Stephanie Harrison, author of "New Happy: Getting Happiness Right in a World That's Got It Wrong," argues that our current definition of happiness is deeply flawed. She states, "Our definition is so important because the word happiness itself is a fuzzy, vague concept. We all know what it feels like, but it's not something we can point to". This vagueness often leads us to pursue happiness in ways that don't truly fulfill us.
Intrinsic vs. Extrinsic Happiness
To understand why our definition of happiness might need adjusting, it's crucial to differentiate between intrinsic and extrinsic happiness:
Intrinsic Happiness: This type of happiness comes from within. It's derived from engaging in personally meaningful activities and aligning with our core values and beliefs. Intrinsic happiness is less concerned with external rewards and more focused on internal fulfillment and a sense of purpose.
Extrinsic Happiness: In contrast, extrinsic happiness is based on external factors such as social status, wealth, and material possessions. It's often driven by the desire for approval or recognition from others and is associated with temporary bursts of pleasure or gratification.
While both types of happiness play a role in our lives, research suggests that those who prioritize intrinsic happiness tend to be more satisfied and content overall. Intrinsic happiness is more sustainable and less dependent on external factors beyond our control.
The New Happy: A Redefined Approach
Dr. Harrison proposes a new definition of happiness, which she calls "New Happy." This approach emphasizes two key elements:
- Being yourself
- Giving of yourself
She explains, "To be happy, discover who you are, and share yourself in ways that help other people. This is the path to happiness, and I call it New Happy". This definition aligns with findings from positive psychology and ancient wisdom traditions, suggesting that true happiness comes from self-discovery and contributing to the well-being of others.
Why Redefining Happiness Matters
Redefining happiness is not just a semantic exercise; it can have profound implications for how we live our lives. Here's why it matters:
Sustainable Joy: By focusing on intrinsic factors, we create a more sustainable source of happiness that isn't dependent on external circumstances.
Personal Growth: A redefined concept of happiness encourages continuous self-improvement and personal development.
Meaningful Relationships: When we prioritize giving of ourselves, we naturally foster deeper, more meaningful connections with others.
Resilience: A more nuanced understanding of happiness helps us navigate life's ups and downs with greater ease and resilience.
Authentic Living: By aligning our actions with our true selves, we live more authentically and experience greater fulfillment.
Practical Steps to Redefine Your Happiness
Now that we understand the importance of redefining happiness, let's explore some practical steps to help you tweak your own definition:
Self-Reflection: Take time to reflect on what truly brings you joy and fulfillment. What activities make you lose track of time? What values are most important to you?
Set Intrinsic Goals: Focus on setting goals that align with your personal values and contribute to your growth, rather than solely pursuing external markers of success.
Practice Mindfulness: Cultivate present-moment awareness to help you appreciate the small joys in life and better understand your emotional responses.
Cultivate Gratitude: Regularly practice gratitude to shift your focus from what you lack to what you have.
Contribute to Others: Look for ways to use your strengths and passions to make a positive impact on others' lives.
Embrace Challenges: View difficulties as opportunities for growth rather than obstacles to happiness.
Nurture Relationships: Invest time and energy in building meaningful connections with others.
The Role of Work in Redefining Happiness
Our approach to work plays a significant role in our overall happiness. Rodger Dean Duncan highlights the importance of finding meaning in our work. He quotes Stephanie Harrison, who says, "When we're able to connect our work to something bigger than ourselves, we're more likely to find meaning and purpose in what we do". This perspective shift can transform our daily work from a mere obligation to a source of fulfillment and joy.
Embracing a New Perspective on Happiness
As we work to redefine happiness, it's important to remember that this is a journey, not a destination. Shamash Alidina, a mindfulness expert, suggests, "Instead of defining happiness as feeling GOOD, think of happiness as FEELING good". This subtle shift encourages us to embrace the full spectrum of human emotions while still moving towards a rich and meaningful life.
Dr. Harrison emphasizes, "Contrary to what we've been taught, happiness isn't something that you have to acquire, or wait for, or please someone else to receive". By redefining happiness as a process of self-discovery and contribution, rather than a fixed state to be achieved, we open ourselves up to a more fulfilling and joyful life experience.
Redefining happiness is a powerful tool for personal transformation. By shifting our focus from external markers of success to intrinsic values and personal growth, we can cultivate a deeper, more sustainable sense of joy and fulfillment. Remember, happiness is not about feeling good all the time, but about living a rich, meaningful life that aligns with your true self.
As you embark on this journey of redefining happiness, be patient with yourself. It's a process that requires self-reflection, openness to change, and a willingness to challenge long-held beliefs. But the rewards – a more authentic, fulfilling, and joyful life – are well worth the effort.
