The hidden toll of "eggshell parenting"

[WORLD] Did your parents ever shower you with affection only to suddenly lose their temper for no apparent reason? Did they involve you in adult issues or place responsibility for their well-being on your shoulders? If these experiences resonate with you, you may have grown up with an “eggshell” parent.

While these parents often appear gentle and kind, their behavior can shift abruptly from affection to anger, leaving their children confused and anxious. This parenting style shares some traits with other unstable family dynamics, such as those involving untreated mental health conditions or unresolved trauma. What sets eggshell parenting apart is the frequent oscillation between warmth and volatility, leaving children in a constant state of uncertainty. Unlike clear-cut cases of neglect or abuse, eggshell parenting can often masquerade as love, making it difficult for children to recognize the dysfunction until they reach adulthood.

The term “eggshell parenting” is meaningful—just as an eggshell appears solid but is easily shattered, these parents may seem stable on the surface but conceal emotional fragility. The resulting unpredictability forces children to tread carefully, constantly “walking on eggshells” to avoid triggering an outburst.

Psychologist Kim Sage, who coined the term, highlights the erratic nature of these parents’ reactions. Their moods can swing from affection to rejection, and from comfort to humiliation, making it impossible for children to predict what kind of response they’ll receive.

Discussions on social media, especially among mental health advocates, have begun to illuminate the lasting impact of eggshell parenting in adulthood. Many children raised in such environments report struggling with people-pleasing tendencies, difficulty setting boundaries, or an intense fear of conflict—issues that can often be traced back to the instability of their childhoods. Online communities have become essential spaces for these individuals to share experiences and coping strategies, validating the long-term effects of this parenting style.

In an environment characterized by unpredictability, children of eggshell parents develop a heightened sense of vigilance. Constantly unsure of how they will be received, they become hyper-aware of even the slightest signs of impending conflict. In an effort to avoid triggering an outburst, they adjust their behavior or attitudes—sometimes at the expense of their own sense of self.

This environment of uncertainty is compounded by the lack of stable boundaries. One day, the parent may be affectionate and attentive; the next, they may react harshly to something as minor as a delayed response or a misstep in conversation.

Experts suggest that eggshell parenting often arises from the parent’s own unresolved emotional wounds, such as past trauma or ongoing stress. Without healthy coping mechanisms, these parents unintentionally replicate patterns of instability, making it difficult for them to provide the emotional consistency their children need. Breaking free from these cycles requires intentional effort, often through therapy, self-education, or reparenting practices that focus on emotional stability.

In some cases, eggshell parents ask their children to fulfill roles typically reserved for adults, such as acting as emotional support or confidant. This role reversal can blur the lines between parent and child, further complicating the relationship.

“You’re expected to take care of the parent’s emotions, help regulate them, and sometimes even play the role of the parent,” explains Sage in one of her TikTok videos.

Growing up in such an environment leaves lasting emotional scars. Children of eggshell parents develop survival mechanisms that often carry into adulthood. Even minor conflicts can spark intense anxiety, and social interactions are analyzed with great care for fear of provoking an unpredictable response from others. As Sage describes, it’s like being on a never-ending rollercoaster, unsure of what’s coming next.

For those raised by eggshell parents, healing often involves learning how to feel emotionally safe. Techniques such as grounding exercises, journaling, and cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) can help rewire the hypervigilance that was ingrained in childhood. Additionally, cultivating relationships with emotionally stable individuals can offer a corrective experience, showing that not all connections are fraught with uncertainty.

In these families, love is often conditional, with children feeling valued only when they meet the parent’s expectations, rather than for who they truly are. This dynamic fosters fragile self-esteem and nurtures a perfectionist drive fueled by the constant fear of disappointing others.

Trusting others becomes a daily challenge, and expressing emotions can feel risky. Over time, many children of eggshell parents retreat inwardly, seeking solace in isolation, where they feel at least some measure of safety.

Fortunately, breaking free from these patterns is possible. Recognizing the harmful dynamics at play is often the first step toward healing. Psychological support can help individuals learn to set boundaries, listen to their own needs, and build healthier, more stable relationships.

Understanding the origins of this parenting style—often rooted in the parent’s own unstable family history—can also help mitigate its harmful effects.