Top relationship habits to avoid

[WORLD] Even the strongest relationships can be eroded by seemingly minor, persistent habits that go unaddressed. According to leading couples therapist Jourdan Travers, who has worked with over 100 couples, these everyday irritations can quietly accumulate, creating distance and resentment that ultimately threaten the foundation of a partnership.

For couples hoping to strengthen their bond and avoid common pitfalls, recognizing-and addressing-these habits is essential. Here are the five most prevalent and damaging behaviors Travers observes in her practice, along with expert advice on how to overcome them.

1. Expecting Your Partner to Read Your Mind

Many individuals fall into the trap of assuming their partner intuitively knows what they need or want. This phenomenon, known as "illusion transparency," is a cognitive bias where people overestimate how obvious their feelings are to others. When needs go unspoken, disappointment and frustration often follow.

“Effective communication is the cornerstone of a healthy relationship,” Travers explains. “Instead of hoping your partner will pick up on hints, be straightforward: ‘It would really mean a lot to me if you could help with the dishes tonight.’”

Research supports this approach, showing that direct communication fosters understanding and reduces resentment1.

2. Keeping Score

Tracking who did what-whether it’s chores, favors, or sacrifices-can turn a relationship into a competitive tally. This “scorekeeping” mentality often leads to feelings of indebtedness and diminishes appreciation for each other.

“True generosity-offering without expecting anything in return-is key to a loving and reciprocal partnership,” Travers notes.

Studies indicate that when couples focus on equity and gratitude rather than competition, satisfaction and intimacy increase.

3. Passive-Aggressive Behavior

Rather than addressing issues directly, some partners resort to subtle digs or withdrawal of affection. While these actions may not be overt, they signal underlying dissatisfaction and breed confusion.

“Passive-aggressive behavior is a guaranteed way to communicate unhappiness without giving your partner a chance to resolve the issue,” Travers warns. Experts recommend open, honest discussions to break this cycle and foster mutual understanding.

4. Micromanaging and Unsolicited Advice

Constantly telling a partner how to manage their work, hobbies, or friendships can feel controlling and patronizing. This dynamic often shifts the relationship into a parent-child mode, undermining satisfaction and autonomy1.

“No one wants to feel directed or criticized, especially by their partner,” Travers says. “Constructive feedback is important, but it should never cross into harsh criticism or micromanagement.”

Research shows that excessive criticism can significantly reduce relationship satisfaction.

5. Neglecting to Address Annoying Habits

While some habits-like noisy eating or excessive phone use-may seem trivial, they can become significant sources of tension if ignored. Over time, these irritations can lead to avoidance and emotional distance.

“It’s not just the habit itself, but the perception that your partner doesn’t care about your feelings,” says Dr. Peter Pearson, co-founder of the Couples Institute. “Addressing these issues early, with empathy and patience, is crucial.”

Therapists recommend honest conversations, empathy, and collaborative problem-solving to tackle persistent annoyances.

Expert Strategies for Overcoming Annoying Habits

Relationship experts agree that the following steps can help couples navigate and resolve recurring irritations:

Communicate Openly: Express your feelings calmly and honestly, focusing on the behavior rather than the person.

Commit to Change: Both partners should recognize the importance of addressing habits that cause tension and commit to finding solutions together.

Empathize: Try to see the situation from your partner’s perspective and validate their feelings.

Keep a Sense of Humor: Finding humor in minor annoyances can help diffuse tension and foster connection.

Be Patient: Changing habits takes time and persistence; celebrate small victories along the way.

Why These Habits Matter

While it’s easy to dismiss small annoyances as trivial, experts warn that their cumulative effect can erode even the happiest relationships. Addressing these habits with empathy, communication, and mutual respect is essential for long-term satisfaction.

“The most important effort we put into our relationships are the small things we do on a day-to-day basis,” says San Francisco therapist Megan Sullivan-Tuba. “Communicating care and affection, making space for each other’s needs, and spending time together-these are the habits that build lasting love.”