[WORLD] To watch a group of men embrace after a major sports win is to witness a rare cultural permission slip: men openly expressing physical affection without shame. For many boys, this is one of the few socially acceptable contexts where such gestures are allowed. But what if these moments weren’t so rare?
The idea of boys needing physical touch may sound obvious—until we recognize how consistently modern masculinity discourages it. This explainer unpacks the concept of touch starvation through the lens of public understanding of cultural and psychological development, focusing on how parents and caregivers can nurture boys' emotional health through something deceptively simple: affectionate touch.
What Is Touch Starvation?
Touch starvation, sometimes called skin hunger, refers to the physical and psychological effects of not receiving enough nurturing physical contact. While the term may sound informal, its effects are very real—affecting mood, immunity, attachment style, and long-term wellbeing.
Origins and Relevance
First observed in early studies on institutionalized infants, touch deprivation has since been linked to poor health outcomes in both children and adults.
In one 2016 study of college students, those who experienced more positive touch in childhood reported significantly lower depression and better romantic relationship outcomes later in life.
Touch isn’t just comforting—it’s biologically essential. That’s why skin-to-skin contact between a parent and newborn is now a standard recommendation in hospitals worldwide.
How Touch Starvation Affects Boys
Though touch deprivation impacts all genders, boys often face unique cultural barriers. Experts like Dr. Michael Thompson and Dr. Matt Englar-Carlson point out that US culture socializes boys to be emotionally restrained—starting almost from birth.
As Dr. Thompson puts it, “We are unwittingly training our boys to be the lone cowboy.” Boys quickly internalize the message that physical affection is “unmanly,” leading many to avoid hugs, cuddles, or even casual contact. Over time, this contributes to:
- Emotional withdrawal
- Increased anxiety and irritability
- Risky or aggressive behavior as a substitute for closeness
What’s more, boys often don’t know how to ask for affection, even when they need it most.
How Positive Touch Works
Touch triggers a cascade of physiological responses:
- Oxytocin release (the bonding hormone)
- Lower cortisol levels (reduced stress)
- Increased serotonin and dopamine, which stabilize mood
These biochemical changes create a sense of safety, calm, and connection—critical ingredients for healthy child development. For boys in particular, touch offers a non-verbal pathway to emotional regulation and trust-building.
Practical Ways to Use Positive Touch With Boys
Parents and caregivers can use the following strategies to foster emotional security through physical affection:
Check your own comfort: If you hesitate to hug or touch, children pick up on that.
Use touch to soothe: A hand on the shoulder or a back rub often works better than words during stress.
Let him choose the form: Whether it’s head pats or hand-holding, respect what makes your son feel safe.
Incorporate touch into routines: Reading time, goodbyes, or even brushing hair can be moments of connection.
Model warm adult relationships: Let your child see hugs, handshakes, and kindness among grownups.
Respect boundaries while still offering: If your son is shy in public, negotiate private moments like a “home hug.”
Use cultural learning: Explore how boys in other countries embrace and express affection.
Offer boys-only spaces: All-boys summer camps can temporarily remove gender policing, creating freedom to express care.
Pros, Cons, and Challenges
While positive touch offers clear benefits, there are social and emotional nuances to navigate:
Pros:
- Builds secure attachment and emotional literacy
- Reduces anxiety and improves sleep
- Supports healthy physical and cognitive development
Cons or Challenges:
- Cultural stigma around male affection can persist into adulthood
- Parents may feel awkward initiating physical affection with older boys
- Without clear boundaries, boys may misinterpret or misuse touch in peer relationships
But most of these barriers are cultural, not biological—and that means they can be unlearned.
Case Study: Masculinity and Touch in Global Perspective
In cultures like Israel and China, it’s normal to see male friends or relatives walk arm in arm or greet each other with long hugs. Such casual, public touch doesn’t carry the same emotional baggage as it does in the US.
By contrast, American boys are often taught from an early age to associate physical closeness with weakness—or worse, with shame. This creates a developmental gap that many men don’t address until adulthood, if ever.
Parents who travel or come from multicultural households can use these contrasts as teaching tools: “Look how friends in that country greet each other. What do you think that says about their friendships?”
Common Misconceptions
“Boys don’t like hugs.” Many boys love hugs—they’ve just been conditioned to hide it.
“Touch will make them soft.” In fact, touch builds resilience and emotional grounding.
“My son is too old for cuddles.” There’s no age limit for healthy affection. It just evolves.
“If he needs it, he’ll ask.” Not necessarily. Social norms may discourage him from reaching out.
“I’m not a touchy person.” You don’t have to be. Small, intentional acts go a long way.
Why It Matters
Touch is a universal human need—but one that’s often denied to boys in subtle, harmful ways. Addressing touch starvation isn’t about coddling—it’s about giving boys the same emotional tools and human dignity we encourage in girls.
By intentionally creating spaces for physical affection, families can reshape what it means to raise emotionally healthy men. This shift won’t happen overnight, but every hug, shoulder squeeze, or bedtime cuddle is a quiet act of defiance against a culture that tells boys to toughen up.
And one day, seeing men embrace—on the field, at home, or in public—might not be rare at all. It might just be normal.
WhatsApp
Instagram
Threads
