[WORLD] In the fast-paced, high-pressure environment of modern workplaces, relationships can sometimes become strained or even break down completely. Whether it's with a boss, colleague, or direct report, a damaged professional relationship can significantly impact your productivity, job satisfaction, and overall work experience. However, with the right approach and mindset, even the most fractured relationships can be repaired and strengthened.
Before diving into repair strategies, it's crucial to understand the nature of your relationship problem. According to Susan David, author of "Emotional Agility," workplace relationships typically fall on a spectrum:
"There are two ends of the spectrum when it comes to relationship problems. You may be on what she calls the over competent end of the spectrum, where you're just in a rut with the other person and your relationship never gets past the polite daily, hey, how are you. On the other end of the spectrum, you may be what she calls overchallenged, where you're actively disagreeable with each other, always walking on eggshells and never seeing eye to eye."
Identifying where your relationship falls on this spectrum can help you tailor your approach to repairing it.
The Power of Empathy and Ego Management
One of the most critical steps in repairing a broken work relationship is cultivating empathy and managing your ego. This process begins with a shift in perspective:
"To move forward, give up being right. Step 1 may be the hardest hurdle to get over, but it's essential if you're serious about putting the relationship back on track. You need to put your ego away."
This doesn't mean admitting fault if you truly believe you're in the right. Instead, it's about prioritizing the relationship's future over past grievances. Susan David suggests a creative visualization technique to help with this:
"She recommends imagining the other person with a big fat sticker on their back that says, I'm wrong. That way you don't have to point out that they're wrong. You already know it. Then you can just focus on moving the relationship forward, not backwards."
Strategies for Rebuilding Trust and Connection
Once you've adjusted your mindset, you can begin actively working on rebuilding the relationship. Here are some effective strategies:
1. Find Common Ground
Look for shared goals, challenges, or interests that can serve as a foundation for reconnection. This could be a work project, a company-wide initiative, or even a shared hobby.
"Instead of debating what went wrong and who is at fault, try to create a space where you're aligned. It can be helpful to focus on the bigger picture, like a common goal you share or a challenge you're both up against in the organization, what might help you and the other person feel like you're in this together."
2. Change Your Daily Interactions
Small, consistent changes in your everyday interactions can have a significant impact over time:
"Susan David explains that the real shifts in relationships happen less in those watershed moments and more in your everyday actions. Sitting down and talking is helpful, but it's not where the real work happens. You need to make an effort to change the tone and tenor of your everyday interactions."
3. Demonstrate Trustworthiness Through Actions
Instead of trying to convince the other person that you're trustworthy through words, show it through your actions:
"Brian Uzzi, a leadership professor at Northwestern's Kellogg School of Management, says you shouldn't try to convince the other person that you're trustworthy by talking about it. Instead, demonstrate it. One smart way, Uzzi says, is to offer things to the other person without asking for anything in return."
This approach activates the principle of reciprocity, encouraging a natural give-and-take that's essential for healthy relationships.
4. Ask Meaningful Questions
Engage in genuine conversations that go beyond surface-level pleasantries. Leadership coach Caroline Webb suggests:
"Instead of asking, how was your weekend, ask what your colleague did specifically. And follow up with something like, that's interesting. How did you end up doing that?"
For more professional relationships, focus on questions that demonstrate you value their opinion:
"How do you think that meeting went? Or what are you working on at the moment?"
These types of questions help establish a shared psychological space, fostering connection and understanding.
Navigating Difficult Conversations
As you work to repair the relationship, you may need to have some challenging conversations. Here are some tips for handling these discussions effectively:
Choose neutral territory: "When you approach the other person, be sure it's on neutral territory, not at one of your desks or offices. Consider going out for lunch or having a virtual coffee date."
Focus on the future: Resist the urge to rehash past conflicts. Instead, concentrate on how you can work together more effectively moving forward.
Be open to feedback: If you're giving feedback, be prepared to receive it as well. This mutual exchange can lead to greater self-awareness and improved interactions for both parties.
The Role of Consistency and Patience
Repairing a broken work relationship is rarely a quick fix. It requires consistent effort and patience:
"You should know, though, one coffee or one Zoom call isn't going to fix everything. It's typically the small everyday stuff that adds up to bigger change."
Remember that setbacks are normal in this process. What matters is your commitment to continually improving the relationship over time.
The Benefits of Repairing Work Relationships
While the process of repairing a broken work relationship can be challenging, the benefits are well worth the effort:
Improved productivity: When you're not expending energy on avoiding or managing conflict, you can focus more on your work.
Enhanced job satisfaction: Positive work relationships contribute significantly to overall job satisfaction and engagement.
Better team dynamics: Repaired relationships can lead to improved collaboration and a more positive team atmosphere.
Personal growth: The skills you develop in repairing work relationships can benefit you in other areas of your life as well.
Increased resilience: A repaired relationship is often stronger than before, better equipped to handle future challenges.
Repairing a broken work relationship is no small feat, but it's an essential skill in today's interconnected workplace. By cultivating empathy, managing your ego, and consistently applying the strategies outlined above, you can transform even the most strained relationships into positive, productive partnerships.
Remember, as Amy Gallo notes:
"Work is not a perfect place, and humans are messy. But when we don't get along with people at work, it doesn't have to be scary or threatening. We can take steps to mend the relationship, and often rough patches can result in stronger, more resilient relationships in the process. We learn about each other and ourselves as we make the next conflict less likely to occur or at least easier to manage."
By approaching relationship repair with patience, empathy, and a commitment to positive change, you can create a more harmonious and fulfilling work environment for yourself and those around you.
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