Is being present for kids' event a big deal?

[WORLD] For parents, attending their children’s events is often considered a sacred obligation, a demonstration of support that strengthens family bonds. Whether it’s a school play, sports game, or a recital, being there matters. But with the demands of work, life, and logistics, there are times when being present just isn’t possible. What does it mean for parents, children, and families when one simply can’t make it?

The Importance of Parental Presence

For many parents, there’s no substitute for being physically present at a child's significant event. Experts agree that children often perceive their parents' attendance as a key part of their emotional support system. “It signals to children that they are valued and that their achievements—big or small—matter to their caregivers,” says Dr. Sarah Green, a child psychologist and author of Parenting Today’s Kids. “Even more so, the sense of pride and reassurance that a child feels when their parent is present is invaluable.”

In fact, research has shown that children who feel supported by their parents tend to have better self-esteem, academic performance, and overall mental health. The positive reinforcement of a parent’s physical presence can also nurture better social skills and resilience.

When Life Gets in the Way

Despite these benefits, there are countless reasons why a parent may not be able to attend. Job demands, financial constraints, health issues, and distance are just a few of the barriers that can make attending a child's event impossible.

According to a 2024 survey by the Pew Research Center, nearly 40% of parents report struggling to balance work and family obligations. For single parents, the pressure is even higher. “As much as I want to be at every recital and game, sometimes work demands just don’t allow me the flexibility,” says Mia Torres, a single mother of two in New York City. “I feel guilty, but I know I can still support my kids in other ways.”

For some, it’s a matter of juggling multiple responsibilities in a day packed with meetings, appointments, and other commitments. For others, the financial strain of attending multiple events—such as paying for travel, taking time off work, or finding childcare for siblings—can also pose a significant challenge.

Virtual Solutions: A Double-Edged Sword?

In recent years, technology has presented parents with new ways to stay involved when they can’t physically attend. Virtual meetings, live streams, and video calls have become commonplace, especially after the COVID-19 pandemic highlighted the need for remote access to important events. Some schools and extracurricular programs even offer live broadcasts of performances and games, allowing parents to watch in real-time.

But while these technological solutions offer a viable alternative, they come with their own set of challenges. “Virtual attendance can’t replace the feeling of being there in person,” says Green. “Children still crave that in-person connection, and virtual participation may feel distant or impersonal to both the parent and the child.”

Additionally, poor internet connections or technical difficulties can disrupt virtual attendance, adding stress for both the parent and the child. The disconnect that comes with being “present” through a screen can sometimes lead to feelings of isolation or disconnection, leaving parents to grapple with the emotional effects of not being physically present.

Building Strong Relationships Beyond Physical Presence

While the importance of showing up cannot be overstated, experts emphasize that there are other ways to show children that they matter, even when parents can’t be there in person. Dr. Green suggests parents maintain open lines of communication with their children about their commitments and limitations. “Being honest about why you can’t make it can help children understand the situation better,” she says.

Moreover, alternative ways of connecting can be just as meaningful. “Sometimes, a note of encouragement, a special dinner, or a heartfelt conversation afterward can show children that you are invested in their achievements,” she adds. “You don’t have to be there at the moment to be present in the long run.”

For many parents, small gestures of love and validation outside of events can significantly impact their child’s emotional well-being. For example, Mia Torres, who can't always attend her daughter’s dance recitals due to work commitments, makes a point to celebrate afterward. “I’ll always make time to sit with them and talk about their experiences. Sometimes, we even plan a mini-celebration at home afterward, so they know I’m proud of them.”

The Role of Extended Family and Support Systems

When parents are unable to attend events, extended family or friends often step in as key support figures. Grandparents, aunts, uncles, or close friends may serve as stand-ins, offering children the presence and support they need while ensuring that parents don’t feel overwhelmed by guilt.

“My mom comes to most of my son’s events when I can’t make it,” says Robert Lane, a father of three in Chicago. “It’s comforting to know that someone I trust is there, cheering him on. It takes the pressure off me, but more importantly, my son still feels supported.”

In communities where extended family networks are strong, the importance of “it takes a village” remains true. Many children, especially those with working parents or caregivers, find solace in knowing that a wide circle of loved ones is invested in their well-being.

Guilt and Self-Compassion: Letting Go of Perfectionism

Perhaps the greatest challenge for parents who can’t attend their children’s events is the overwhelming guilt that often accompanies it. Parents today are more engaged than ever before, but they also face more pressures—financial, social, and personal—than any previous generation. Striking the balance between work and family can sometimes feel like an impossible task.

Dr. Green encourages parents to practice self-compassion and avoid falling into the trap of perfectionism. “Parenting is hard, and it’s okay to acknowledge that you can’t always be everywhere. What matters is the consistent, loving presence you provide over time, not just the moments you miss.”

In the end, parents who can’t attend every event can still foster deep connections with their children, cultivating a bond that transcends any single moment. By communicating openly, showing support in other ways, and leaning on support systems, they can navigate the complexities of modern parenthood without compromising the love and care they offer.

In today’s busy world, being there for kids doesn’t always mean physically showing up. It’s the emotional support, the consistent love, and the intention behind your actions that matter most. For parents who struggle to be present in the moment, there are still countless ways to demonstrate that you are with your child every step of the way. And in a world that’s always on the go, that’s something to be grateful for.