Small mental shifts that help you regain control in chaos

There’s a particular silence that fills a room when things go wrong. Not the cinematic kind—no dramatic thunder or crashing glass—just a quiet that feels heavier than noise. You find yourself staring at an unopened email, a broken appliance, a text you don’t want to answer. Life, in its usual rhythm, has lost its beat.

But control doesn’t always return in the form of big declarations or five-step solutions. Sometimes, it reappears in smaller acts: choosing to fold the laundry with purpose, standing barefoot on a cool kitchen tile, or lighting a candle not for the mood—but for the scent of normalcy. This isn’t about fixing everything. It’s about remembering what anchors you.

When everything spirals—work, relationships, your sense of self—it’s easy to believe you have to think your way out. But thoughts aren’t always where the stability is. They tend to ride the storm, not anchor it.

What holds more power than panic is pattern. And often, pattern lives in space. The mug you reach for every morning. The way you tie your hair before starting a task. The specific blanket you pull over your knees when you need to pause. These choices aren’t meaningless—they’re a quiet infrastructure of care. Feeling in control doesn’t always begin with clarity. It begins with familiarity.

Trick #1: Make the First Decision Ridiculously Small

There’s power in doing something small on purpose. Especially when you feel flattened by the sheer number of things you can’t fix, can’t plan, or can’t even understand yet.

When everything’s on fire—metaphorically or emotionally—pick something boring to start with. Rearrange a drawer. Boil water. Take out the trash. You don’t need to wait until your brain “feels better.” The point is not the task. It’s the reclaimed authority.

That tiny, mundane action starts a feedback loop: “I did this.” It doesn’t solve the problem, but it cuts through the paralysis with structure. The mind is soothed by sequence. One step done is one less chaos floating overhead.

Trick #2: Change Your Physical Texture

Some people fixate on thoughts. Others get stuck in posture. If you’ve been curled into a sofa scroll or frozen in your office chair for hours, shift the tactile experience.

Open a window. Step into sunlight. Wash your hands with cold water. Run a brush through your hair—not to look good, but to feel the strokes against your scalp. When the mind loops, the body listens. And when you change the input, the mind sometimes stops looping and starts adjusting. It’s not indulgent. It’s system interruption. And it’s quietly powerful.

Trick #3: Use Space as a Nervous System Reset

The best trick is often architectural. Not in blueprints, but in how we use space.

Control returns more easily when you have a location associated with calm. A chair for slow reading. A mat for sitting with tea. A corner by the window where your phone never joins. These become rituals of geography—not just actions, but associations. When your brain learns that a certain place means “I slow down here,” it starts to drop its guard on arrival.

If you don’t have that space yet, invent one today. Clear a single shelf and declare it a no-chaos zone. Fill it with objects that don’t demand anything from you—just visual, calming presence. A stone. A soft lamp. A plant. These are not decorations. They’re anchors.

Trick #4: Name the Moment—Not the Future

When life unravels, your brain tries to leap into prediction. What will happen if I lose this job? What if this person doesn’t reply? What if the car repair drains my account?

Pause. And name just the moment.

“I’m scared.”
“I feel ashamed.”
“This is overwhelming.”

No need to fix it yet. No need to justify it. When you name the feeling—not the forecast—you shift the mind into witness mode. That’s a calmer place to stand. And once you're standing in witness mode, you can usually take the next action without trying to script the next ten.

Trick #5: Reclaim One Small Ritual (Even if You Have to Fake It)

You don’t need a perfect morning routine. You don’t need an ideal Sunday reset. But you do need one thing you can do as if things are okay.

Sometimes, it’s cooking rice. Or taking a shower and drying off in your favorite towel. Or watering the one plant you haven’t killed yet. These small rituals are not performative—they’re restorative. They tell your brain: “Some things continue. So can I.” If a ritual has collapsed, rebuild it in a smaller form. If you used to journal, jot one sentence. If you used to go for a walk, just step outside for 90 seconds. The shape can be imperfect. But repetition is where the real strength lives.

This isn’t “think happy thoughts.” This is: "Design your environment to support your return."

You’re not lying to yourself when you take care of your space, your senses, or your breath. You’re building conditions that make thinking clearly possible again. That’s what control really is—not having the answers, but creating space where answers can be heard. And sometimes, all that takes is lighting the candle you almost forgot you had. The one with the label peeling off. The one that smells like vanilla and rain. That’s not escapism. That’s a message to your nervous system: “We’re safe enough to smell something sweet.”

Sometimes, none of this feels accessible. You try the walk. You sit in the chair. You fold the socks. And still, the noise inside is too loud. That’s okay.

Control is not a destination—it’s a series of experiments. If these tricks don’t work today, they might tomorrow. Or you might discover your own: dancing with headphones on, coloring in a thrift-store notebook, calling someone who doesn’t give advice—just listens. The point is not perfection. It’s participation. And when you try—when you show up to your own day in whatever quiet, clumsy way you can—that’s the most powerful form of control you can reclaim.

When everything feels like it’s slipping through your fingers, start with what you can hold. A cup of tea. A steady inhale. The corner of a freshly-made bed. These aren’t distractions. They’re anchors.

Life will unravel again. That’s inevitable. But your ability to respond—to reset, to re-ground, to re-enter with presence—is a skill. And like any skill, it can be strengthened.

No urgency. No drama. Just a simple truth whispered into your routine:
You’ve got this.